There’s a powerful truth that many people overlook: no one can truly hurt you without your permission. It’s not about denying pain or pretending that cruel words, betrayal, or disappointment don’t sting. Rather, it’s about understanding that your reaction; not the action, ultimately determines the depth of your hurt.

We live in a world where criticism, rejection, and misunderstandings are inevitable. People may talk behind your back, betray your trust, or fail to meet your expectations. You cannot always control what they do, but you can control how you respond. When you allow someone’s behavior to dictate your peace, you hand over the keys of your emotions to them. But when you take responsibility for your inner state, you reclaim your power.

Think of it this way: if someone says hurtful words to you in a language you don’t understand; you feel nothing because you don’t understand it to let it hurt you. Emotional wounds only grow deeper when you replay them in your mind, feed them with resentment, or allow them to define your self-worth.

A man who played a large role in the realization of India independence; Mahatma Gandhi, once said, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” He didn’t mean that others won’t say or do things that are offensive. He meant that our interpretation and acceptance of those actions determine how much power they have over us. The moment you stop internalizing other people’s negativity is the moment you start living in freedom.

A woman I admire for her achievements; Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Nigeria’s former finance minister and current Director-General of the World Trade Organization, is a great example of this mindset. Throughout her career, she has faced intense criticism, political attacks, and unfair public scrutiny. Yet, she has often spoken about the importance of staying focused on purpose and results rather than being distracted by negativity. Despite all the noise, she kept moving forward, proving that when you refuse to let other’s words determine your worth, you rise above them.

This mindset doesn’t come easily. It takes emotional maturity and self-awareness to choose peace over bitterness. It means refusing to take everything personally and understanding that most people act out of their own pain, ignorance, or insecurity. It means forgiving not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.

When you learn to guard your mind and heart, external attacks lose their power. You begin to see that your value is not dependent on other’s opinions. You stop reacting impulsively, and start responding wisely. You become unshakable, not because life stops being difficult, but because you stop allowing it to control you.

In the end, emotional strength is not about hardening your heart; it’s about mastering your perspective. Remember this truth: people can only wound you if you let their words or actions define your worth. Choose instead to define yourself by your peace, purpose, and inner strength.

You are not powerless. You decide what affects you. You hold the permission, and you can choose not to give it.

©️Victor E. Ojei, 2025.