One of the hardest lessons in life is realizing that some people simply don’t value you the way you value them. It’s painful especially when one has given their best, been there through their dark days, and supported them without conditions. Yet, they make excuses, show inconsistency, or treat one’s presence like it’s optional.

Still, one hopes. One tells themself, “Maybe they’re going through something.” One keeps showing up, forgiving, and waiting for them to finally see their worth. But the truth is simple: people show you how they feel about you through their actions, not their promises.

When someone repeatedly makes you feel like an afterthought, believe them. When they only reach out when they need something, believe them. When they forget your important moments but expect you to celebrate theirs, believe them. The pattern is the answer, and continuing to expect more only leads to more disappointment.

Think about it: how many times have you felt drained trying to maintain a relationship that should have been mutual? How many nights have you spent questioning what you did wrong, when all you did was care too much?

The problem is not caring; the problem is expecting. Expecting love from the unloving. Loyalty from the inconsistent. Depth from the shallow. I am not saying loving is wrong; in-fact there is no such a thing as loving the wrong person, because love is divine. Though it’s not wrong for one to expect reciprocity; but in doing so one could deem their light, when not attained.

At some point, you must protect your peace. You must accept that some people are lessons, not lifelong companions. However, that doesn’t mean you stopped loving them. Their purpose was to teach you how to stop overextending yourself, how to value your presence, and how to walk away quietly when your worth isn’t recognized.

It doesn’t mean you’re bitter, it means you’re healing. It means you’re learning that love shouldn’t have to beg for attention, friendship shouldn’t feel like obligation, and your kindness should never be taken for granted. Remember this: the more you chase people who don’t care, the further you drift from those who actually do.

So stop expecting more from those who have shown you, time and time again, that you don’t matter. Accept the truth, release the weight, and move on with grace. You deserve relationships that feel like home, not ones that keep you questioning your value. Your peace begins the moment you stop fighting for space in places you were never meant to stay.

©️Victor E. Ojei, 2025.