I recently came across a lady’s post, “your kids are not your retirement plan. Raising them with the expectation they’ll take care of you in old age is emotional blackmail disguised as culture.” Emphasizing that parents should instead plan their future, and parent out of love, not investment.

Posts like this carry mix feelings. In this modern age of information, most persons are forming woke. While in the end, most miss the point. It is one thing for parents to understand that their children are not properties that can be owned, but human beings with fresh and blood, and a mind of their own. It’s another for children to honour their parents, and be responsible for them in their old age.

The comments made by that lady is misleading, because the parents it is meant for obviously do not need to be told, they have the resources to care for themselves. But not everyone have this resources, yet many sacrifice it all just to give their children a better chance at life, of which they never had. The least any responsible child can do is care for them in their old age.

Children Supporting Their Parents Shouldn’t be a Burden, It’s an Honour.

In many societies, especially in Africa, children are expected to care for their parents when they grow old. This tradition is not about emotional blackmail, but about respect, family values, and gratitude. It’s a way of looking at love and responsibility:

• Parenting Is a Lifelong Sacrifice: Parents often give up personal dreams, careers, or comfort just to raise their children. They feed, clothe, educate, and protect without asking for anything in return. Is it really too much to care for them when they are old and vulnerable?
• This Culture Promotes Community, Not Pressure: What some people call emotional blackmail, others call shared responsibility. In many cultures, elders are respected and looked after by the younger generation. This creates strong family ties and protects elderly people from loneliness, poverty, or neglect.
• Not Everyone Can Afford Retirement Planning: In many parts of the world, especially where there is no strong pension system or reliable healthcare, parents simply cannot save enough for retirement. In such places, adult children stepping in isn’t just kind, it’s necessary.
  
• Love Comes With Responsibility: True love includes sacrifice. Children who genuinely love and value their parents don’t need to be forced or begged to help, they feel it’s the right thing to do. It’s a way to give back, and a mark of maturity and gratitude.
• It Teaches the Next Generation: When children grow up seeing their parents care for their own elders, they learn the value of loyalty and family. This cycle continues. It creates strong families and teaches younger generations to be responsible and compassionate.

While parents should not raise children as financial tools, expecting support in old age isn’t always selfish. It can be cultural, practical, and emotional. It’s not about owing a debt, but about returning love in action. In a world that often promotes independence at all costs, caring for our elders reminds us of where we come from, and encourage the next generation to foster a community with love and responsibility.

©️Victor E. Ojei, 2025.